Insecurity

That day he told me that his friends wanted to meet me eagerly. He said he’ll pick me up at 4. I got excited but i was more scared because he always kept talking about his friends; about how cool and cute those girls were. He told me what to wear and how to do my hair(to save embarrassment, maybe). We went to an artificial lake view where all of them were already there. The moment i saw them, i realised that they’re all fake and spoilt. All of them. I don’t know why he was with these people. My boyfriend who never talked or looked at a girl, he was laughing with them, touching them, sitting so close. And they kept talking about their college and stuff so I really had nothing to talk in between. In front of his friends he was showering love on me. Once in a while he and his other girlfriend kept asking me to say something. What the fuck was I supposed to say on the first meet? Tell them stories for entertainment? I kept silent.

Well this was my first time to all of this. I never really had such kind of friends before. I didn’t like them for sure. I never wanted to meet them again. But he kept forcing me to come out with them. Later, he started going a lot with them without me. All girls and only two other guys whom I practically considered girls.

Everyday after coming back from college, I used to wait for his college to get over and then we’d meet. After meeting all he used to do was tell me about his friends; about how cute those girls were and how he loved every single one of them. So much he used to laud them. And then he used to ask me what I did all day.

“I waited for you”. I used to say. Everyday the same things from him and the same answer from me.

My college friends stayed very far. My roommates were very boring. They used to go to their college, come back, study, and sleep. So only i knew how I spent my days.

In the start he cared too much. I could do things by myself but he stopped me. He used to say that if he’s there, I don’t need to do anything. I dont know if he really cared or he was just pretending because later on he started asking me why i was so dependent on him.

He hated to meet me in public. Hated to click pictures with me whenever I asked him to. I always used to find new pictures with those girls, standing so close. Pressing their bodies against him. He was doing those things with them which he never liked doing with me.

I used to search for new places to explore in the city to go out with him. But everytime I told him about a place, he had already been there. With them.

My insecurity grew day by day. I knew it was gonna create problems. I didn’t make new friends just because i thought he would come and meet me. Just because he meant the world to me and I really didn’t care about other friendships when I had him. But unlucky me, it wasn’t the same for him. He was so lost in his new friends.

I obviously started losing some interest after getting hurt. I started looking at other guys. I even kissed one. Now that I cheated, he blames me for everything. Not only him but everyones blames me. But no one will really see what led to it.

It’s been four years now. Can you imagine the level of my insecurities? And can you imagine he is still doing that?!

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10 thoughts on “Insecurity

      1. Oh girl. you’re in for a ride. Everything is so different now. I was scared af after I thought the “love of my life” left me. LOL Then I realized that he didn’t “complete” me or any of that BS. After I got over him I found myself all over again and ended up eventually finding a man that actually compliments my being and my eyes have totally been opened. I’m a whole new person and you should be excited to move into that new chapter!!! Keep writing and keep move forward even just a bit everyday and you’ll fall into this new version of yourself and it will be amazing!

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